Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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