The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
