NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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