You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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