i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
