It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
