Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
