so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize