I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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