I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize