I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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