there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
