Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize