Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
