week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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