He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
