roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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