If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
