so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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