Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
