just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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