Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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