I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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