im six kinds of drunk right now
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
