i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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