he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
