I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
