I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
