Pappa wants mamma naked
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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