PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize