Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
