I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My bed smells like the plague
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
