ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
bring money and cleavage
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
