They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
