my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
