She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
