I wannas sexs uuuuu
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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