u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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