Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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