You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Never joke about your clitoris.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
