I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
