I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
