I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
