dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
