I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
