I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I will be naked everywhere
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
