I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
This baby is an asshole
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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