I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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