no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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