If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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