i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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