Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
