Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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