Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
