Welp...herpes.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
