I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
