omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
