it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Blood and glitter go together right?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
