third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
