the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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