i jhust puked up my retainher.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
