suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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