I'm really into asian looking animals
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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