I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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