please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
