If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
