I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
