Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
