Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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