I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
