so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
